
INT. DAY – EON PRODUCTIONS BOARD ROOM, PINEWOOD STUDIOS
Bond producers Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson sit on leather chairs, deep in thought.
Barbara: Hurry up Mikey, he’ll be here any minute.
Michael: Okay, Babs, don’t rush me…I’ve almost got it.
Barbara: C’mon, otherwise we’ll have to go with ‘Shatterhand’.
Michael: Ugh…Shat Her Hand.
Barbara: [Puts on a film-trailer voice] “Bond loved her until she…shat…her…hand”.
Michael: Hah!
Barbara chuckles, Michael guffaws.
Michael: Okay, what about ‘Gold’-something. That’s always worked.
Barbara: Nobody buys gold anymore, Mikey. Platinum’s the in-thing now.
Michael: ‘The Island Of Dr. Platinum’?
Barbara: Sounds like a rapper.
Michael: True. ‘The Man With The Platinum Hand’?
Barbara: Not threatening enough.
Michael: ‘The Man With The Platinum Finger’?
Barbara: Too threatening.
Michael: What about space? Something to do with the moon?
Barbara: Boring. We’ve done it.
Michael stares out in the window in desperation.
Michael: What about the weather? We used thunder once.
Barbara: Don’t be stupid, Mikey. [Looks at watch] He’s late – we should have had this figured this out by now.
Michael: ‘Lightning To Kill’?
Barbara: Oooooh. [Pause] No.
Michael: ‘Windmaker’?
Barbara: Huh?
Michael: ‘It Only Rains Twice’?
Barbara: Terrible
Michael: ‘Risico’?
Barbara: No.
Michael: What about diamonds?
Barbara: Maybe.
Michael: Octopuses?
Barbara: Octopi.
Michael: Pie?
Barbara: No, Octopi. The plural of octopus.
Michael: Oh right. I thought you meant something to do with pies.
Barbara: Pie Another Day.
Michael: Hah!
Barbara chuckles, Michael guffaws.
Barbara: ‘Die’ is good though. That worked a couple of times with Pierce.
Michael: Die-something…
They both stare out the window. From outside, they hear the faint sound of a car-door closing, followed by the ‘bip-bip’ of a car-alarm setting.
Barbara: Christ, he’s here. Okay, we’re going with ‘Shatterha-’.
Michael: WAIT! I’ve got it!
Barbara: Go on!
Michael: …Wait…It’s on the tip of my tongue…
Barbara: Hurry up, he’ll be here any second.
Michael: …Aaarrrggghhh…I’ve just got no…time…to…think…
Barbara: That’s it!
The door bursts open. Daniel Craig walks in, wearing Bermuda shorts, flip-flops and a pink linen shirt.
Daniel: Mikey-G, the G-Man! Barbara. ‘Sup, Boo. What’s poppin’?