Int. Cinema Foyer. Night.
The scene takes place in Event Cinemas, Broadway, Newmarket, New Zealand. The date is Wednesday 20th January 2016. It’s hot, damn hot.
A host of minor New Zealand celebrities have tested everybody’s patience while we await a glimpse of Quentin Tarantino at the New Zealand premiere of The Hateful Eight.
Cast member (Six-Horse Judy) and Tarantino alumni Zoe Bell comes around first. She gladly signs an autograph on Johnny’s copy of The Hateful Eight on vinyl. Johnny hands her a red marker so that it matches the blood splatters in the snow on the cover.
Johnny: Thank you Zoe – could you also sign my copy of Death Proof?
Johnny presents the second record cover.
Zoe: Fuck yeah I’ll sign your Death Proof!
Working his way down the red carpet, Quentin starts scrawling his autograph on Johnny’s copy of The Hateful Eight on vinyl. Again the signature is in blood red.
Johnny: Hey Quentin – thanks so much for coming out to see us in New Zealand; we always get forgotten about…
Quentin: Hey, no problem.
Quentin looks up, and notices Johnny’s Stax Records t-shirt.
Quentin: Hey, cool t-shirt man!
Johnny is about to melt from a mixture of adrenaline and utter panic at having being sartorially complimented by one of his heroes.
Johnny (voice starting to quiver): …And please don’t stop directing after two more films. Please, please keep directing.
Quentin looks up, slightly taken aback. He makes eye contact again, leans back and taps Johnny on the shoulder.
Quentin: Thank you man, that’s a very nice thing to say.
Quentin moves down the line to speak to his other adoring fans. Johnny vomits and dies of excitement.
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